We needed an addition to the Hanged King Mythos. +1
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Did someone take out the reference to the hanged king? I saw the tag and read about a reference to SCP-2264-4, but couldn't find it.
You already knew this had my upvote, I kinda love this one. Nitpickery: Are we to understand that those four colors are the only naturally occurring ones in Alagadda, or is it the case that any other colors are transmuted into their nearest approximation amongst the four if introduced to the city?
Typo-things, which I'm noting here instead of poking around with since many are in the logs and might be deliberate in-character things in some cases:
Operatives are to replaced periodically
though, that is still just a hypothesize
"Just for a start." they noted.
Should be a common in the quotes there.
advisors to the King of Alagadda
Missing period at the end.
I suggest you feel this place.
some had too few - like, snake people - was similar to monsters in an old fantasy comic I read as a kid.
I think there's one missing or extra word in here?
… into a minotaur or something. Tried to talk to us about We spent most of the time…
We defiled another
Operations involving SCP-XXX
Whoops.
Also, questions/guesses. Not spoilers, per se, but things people may want to come to on their own if at all:
- Is the unknown and fearful stranger mentioned by the Wandsman SCP-507 (thanks for the assist Mac)?
- I assume not for a couple reasons, but is SCP-049 connected to this world?
Overall, you built an evocative world and I quite enjoyed it.
It is! Ugh, and I posted this while in a drugged up state with sleeping pills. I didn't even remember doing it;p Hmm, now to go find all these errors I missed…
While 049 certainly has an appearance that coincides with most of the local entities, it was not intended. However, the reference to a political struggle and the exile of the Black Lord, Wearer of the Anguished Mask, refers to SCP-035. The reference to The Deathless Merchant of London refers to Mr. Dark of MC&D.
Dammit, man, I thought someone finally did something cool with the bastard, but it just turns out that bird people are the most common thing in the multiverse. Dammit.
/me just applies death of the author and grumbles.
Oh, the bird masked guy was inspired by http://reddysdreams.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/skeksis.jpg
It's been a long time since I saw The Dark Crystal. Need to rewatch that shit. Still want to see something cool done with 049.
From my understanding, the colours of red, yellow, black and white are those of the Four Humours? Blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm respectively.
The humours are referenced in Elizabethan works, which is likely why it could be relevant here. I could be wrong though.
This is marvelous world-building. +1
A few remaining issues - SCP-XXXs, missing conjunctions and singular/plural issues (possibly due to the difference in usage between Earth and Alagadda).
I think the 'they' usage is mostly very deliberate here, indicative of the feeling of dream logic for those while in Alagadda and also intended to be gender-neutral. It's two layers of potentially complicated readings at once but I liked the effect, particularly when I reread some of the lines aloud to myself.
I appreciated the use of "they" to refer to the Wandsman, but found it off when referring to Agent Papadopoulos - am I missing something about the interview log, do you think?
I personally dislike using "they" like this, but I'll accept it for the Wandsman. For the interview, it's just clunky, i.e. "He is to be restrained for their own protection".
Although I'm still upvoting, of course.
As much as I like what I see, that final interview with Agent Papadopoulous really pulled me out of it. He was far more descriptive, evocative, and overall flowery than I would expect a shell-shocked agent who barely survived an attack in another world would be. If that's a purposeful symptom of his time in Alagadda, then I'd upvote. But it seems like you tried too hard to describe what went on in there.
No vote.
I thought the same thing at first, but then I wondered if what he was saying had been "planted" in his head for this purpose by the ambassador. If it was not then while I think the interview log has some beautiful writing, I agree that it doesn't read realistically.
It was planted; a reason his tone changes in the last part. That is not how the person would normally speak.
Even so, it doesn't come across that way.
Between that and the frankly unbelievable attempt at period language (in the final letter), I downvoted. Sorry, dude — this is an intriguing piece, but it's got enough language issues to keep throwing me out of immersion. The connection to 701 seemed pretty neat at first, but it ended up overemphasized. I wish I could like this, but it just doesn't quite make it.
edit: I did giggle aloud when you told the reader to consult an alchemist, though. Well played.
(account deleted)At "A Foundation alchemist" I almost upvoted reflexively, but I told myself I would wait and see how the article played out.
One tiny teeny thing - I cannot make sense of this sentence in my head. I think it's one that got cut in half at some point - "Tried to talk to us about We spent most of the time descending stairs, I think? "
Upvoted heartily and without reservation. Fabulous imagery and a fantastic link to the Hanged King.
I cannot upvote twice but I will badger my foundation friends to read this too.
Oops. I thought I had cut the whole thing out. My bad. There was a character encountered that I had chopped off in the end;p
Did someone take out the reference to the hanged king? I saw the tag and read about a reference to SCP-2264-4, but couldn't find it.
I like it, but I think I found a typo. On the third footnote it says "reason and anarchy" I'm assuming you meant treason, right?
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page revision: 2, last edited: 15 Jan 2023 15:06
