SCP Foundation

Welcome to this installment of site news, where Madness reigns!

This is a series showing off news from the site, articles from the past month¹, and fan-content for you to check out and discover! Be sure to leave a comment with your thoughts!

Big thanks to Billith for contributing some tasty blurbs! Go team!!!!

Featured Articles

• The featured articles for March were SCP-1131 ("The Oscar Bug") by CityToast, Right? by weizhong, and 'Unicorn Horn' (HYTCH/8FNE6/B77KT) by GreenWolf. The first is about a bloodborne gentleman, the second covers a month in the life of a D-Class, and the third is about exploiting mythical beings for fun and profit (just try to ignore the saddest whinnys ever)!

Event Featured Articles

The theme for the month of March was satellite!

• In SCP-1778 (Valor) by Dr Reach, a cosmonaut is thrown through the loop when his mission doesn't go exactly as planned.

• In SCP-364 (Ionian Drop Point) by Quikngruvn, waste management becomes a major point of concern for the Foundation.

• In SCP-2146 (The Space Whale) by MegalomaniacInchworm, a self-absorbed cetacean shares its message with the world.

Week of March 1st:

SCPs

• SCP-3340 ("You Think, Therefore We Are") - "As you walk on by/Will you call my name?" Written by Dr Aers.
• SCP-3421 ("Cell Phone Trees") - Psht! Who needs a Lorax? Written by glewmie.
• SCP-3787 ("The Horse Meme") - The house of Inconsistent Horses (double or otherwise)… Written by FloppyPhoenix.
• SCP-3852 ("Small Town Justice") - "SCP-3852-1 refers to a set of adult, male corpses…" Written by NataKilar.
• SCP-3896 ("The Knights Grow Weary") - "I am the tender of this node, one of hundreds throughout the body of our planet. We are the many canals through which Mother's wrath is made real upon the surface of the world." dredged by CadaverCommander.
• SCP-3231 ("10,000,000 People Can't Be Wrong") - "It's time to bring our ██████ back to us." Written by TL333s.
• SCP-3149 ("Monkey Business") - Neither the monkeys nor the typewriters are infinite. That just means they need to work extra hard. Written by apes Tanhony.
• SCP-1763-EX ("How To Write An SCP") - Remember everyone, it's just a story. Written by MaliceAforethought.
• SCP-3601 ("A Cautionary Tale") - History is written by the creative. Judged by ratsy.
• SCP-3218 ("Animals in Boxes") - 50% off! Written by Tzuvembi.
• SCP-3393 ("For Your Eyes Only") - You are SCP-3393. Written by Captain Kirby.
• SCP-3315 ("ｐ ｅ ｒ ｓ ｅ ｖ ｅ ｒ ａ ｎ ｃ ｅ") - "O wanderer, struck forth on heaven's eye, what mysteries do yonder frozen ridges hide?" Served on the rocks by Billith.
• SCP-3465 ("Better Safe Than Sorry") - Wilson's Wildlife Solutions and the SCP Foundation have a kerfuffle over some turtles. Written by DarkStuff.
• SCP-3385 ("Equine Mondegreen") - "My pony plays the mamba, listen to the radio…" Written by Nyka.
• SCP-3936 ("Working as Intended") - Welcome to the new normal. Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3298 ("Miss Connection") - We all have the right to be forgotten. What if we didn't have a choice? Envisioned by ModernMajorGeneral.
• SCP-3856 ("Researcher Lloyd, Destroyer of Worlds") - Outlive everyone with this one weird trick! Multi-universal councils hate him! Written by MaliceAforethoughts everywhere.
• SCP-3789 ("Abyssal Basalt 'Jellyfish'") - 95% of the ocean is unexplored, and we've barely even scratched the crust. Written by Weryllium.
• SCP-3415 ("Employee of The Month, Every Month") - A model employee who most certainly did not murder anyone. Nope! No siree. Written by Blooper.
• SCP-3713 ("All the World’s a Stage") - "Sit back, relax, and enjoy the show~!" Written by DarkStuff and Varaxous.
• SCP-3320 ("Ethical Relativity") - "The Foundation's mission is to secure, contain and protect, with 'destroy' being antithetical to these principles." Written by ModernMajorGeneral.
• SCP-3291 ("Flowers of Solomon") - "Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot sweep it away. If one were to give all the wealth of one's house for love, it would be utterly scorned." Written by ClockworkKitten.
• SCP-3168 ("House Chickens") - Baba Yaga-themed matryoshka. Nested by Voct.
• SCP-3595 ("Einheit") - "There is shining sun/There is shining sun." Written by ObserverSeptember.
• SCP-3627 ("Dreamy Jasters") - "Subjects who experience dreams invoked by SCP-3627 will lose any prior attachments to the inserted object, as well as any personal or abstract concepts associated with said object." Written by Wildman8.

Tales

• The Taste of Leaves - "My daughter is not dead." Written by Zachary Maxwell.
• Nameless Bodies, in Unremembered Rooms - "Never before had the halls of Site-79 seen so much blood." Written by Lazar Lyusternik.
• The Sea Slug and the Showman - Sir Blackwood recounts his run-in with Herman Fueller himself. Written by DrChandra.
• For the RE-PUBLIC - "The knowledge of the past may be restored to the future." Written by ObserverSeptember.
• In the Trenches with the Dead - "If you can read this, you are already dead." Written by sirpudding.

GoI-Formats:

• Sleeping Under the Stars - [Oneroi] "A dream that you wish will come true!" Written by RecursiveRecursion.

Misc

• Public Domain Protection Service Hub - Catalogued by ObserverSeptember.
• Researcher Nyka's File It's Nyka's Author Page!

Week of March 8th:

SCPs

• SCP-2700-EX ("What I Did For Love ") - Don't. Cry. Don't. Cry… damnit. Written by TheeSherm.
• SCP-3181 ("Lemme Get It Boneless") - "Within the confines of SCP-3181, the concept of "boneless" is distinct from the lack of bones" Written by Communism will win.
• SCP-3347 ("They Grow Up So Fast") - "No signs of Dr. Lavinson were found within SCP-3347-2." Written by Wildman8.
• SCP-3504 ("And how will we know you are one of us?") - Two researchers chug several gallons of tree sap and go spelunking with a demigod. Written by OthellotheCat and Rimple.
• SCP-3894 ("Our Sorrow") - Do you accept the burden? Written by CadaverCommander.
• SCP-3895 ("Our Unrest") - SCP-3895 is a Category 4 hostile hyperphysical entity which has successfully achieved corporeal manifestation within conventional reality. Assimilated by CadaverCommander.
• SCP-3151 ("Movie in a Bottle") - Easily-digested entertainment. Packaged by Tanhony.
• SCP-3276 ("Young Successful Independent Self-Employed CEOs") - The Healing Company is not responsible for infinitely-gestating fetuses. Written by Tiefling.
• SCP-3981 ("[UNTITLED UFO]") - Of course you don't believe me! It's like, a coverup, man! Sheeple herded by kingpogan.
• SCP-3244 ("Mountain Dew: Code Red") - And now for an ice cold deargodwhatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuuuuuuuu… Written by Doctor Cimmerian.
• SCP-3605 ("The blue is so beautiful") - "Starshine above me" Written by ObserverSeptember.
• SCP-3383 ("A Lake with a Snake") - Good snek. Snek protec. Written by Zyn.
• SCP-3160 ("There Are Wasps Inside Your Microwave, And They're Stinging You Right Now") - Let's not kick the conceptual hornets nest. Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3515 ("Unearth") - Start digging. Exhumed by psul.
• SCP-3730 ("Eagerly Awaiting Takeoff") - I'm not like the other flight simulators. Written by 9Volt.
• SCP-3179 ("The Seed") - When someone asks you if you're a god, you say yes! Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3633 ("I'm Right Behind Me") - "/I hear the screaming and singing and sirens and wet noises/" Written by Captain Kirby and Darkstuff.
• SCP-3902 ("Darling, Dearest, Dead") - "We'll meet again/don't know where, don't know when/but I know we'll meet again, some sunny day" Written by spicaterrible.
• SCP-3184 ("I'm sick of bugs getting stuck in my god damn bathroom light") - A rather illuminating creature-feature. Written by yhudo.
• SCP-3588 ("Cheers") - You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Patronized by CadaverCommander.
• SCP-3939 ("[NUMBER RESERVED; AWAITING RESEARCHER]") - Dropped from Class 4 right into the deep end of menial work, you get to choose whether to do your job or ruin everyone's day. Written by Croquembouche.
• SCP-3270 ("The Painting That Makes You A Furry") - It's err… Exactly What it Says on the Tin. Written by JanitorCakeworth.

Tales

• Foundation Missed Connections - "You Saved My Life And I Don't Even Know Your Name - m4f" Written by toadking07.
• Homaquis - The sequel to "The Shape of Water is Humanoid" makes a splash! Written by not_a_seagull.

GoI-Formats:

• LTE-0851-Cetus - [Global Occult Coalition] The Coalition hunts a crocodilian kraken (somewhat successfully). Written by stormbreath.

Week of March 15th:

SCPs

• SCP-3182 ("The Grocery Store") - I'm going to get out of this place one day, you'll see. Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3388 ("Cacthulhu") - "i am poky" Written by Captain Kirby and Mendelssohn.
• SCP-3196 ("The Adventures of Rex Dangerly") - "If the dead could read, I would write for them." Written by Toa_Vine.
• SCP-3855 ("Antimemetic Speakeasy") - Obligatory fight club reference. Written by ObserverSeptember.
• SCP-3186 ("These Words Of Ours, Written So Deftly Across The Sky") - Shouldn't've hit "Send". Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3172 ("A Field Of Unfortunate Flowers") - "WE DONT KNOW HOW YOU CAN HELP US. COLD, DARK, CAN'T SEE. MUD?" Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3797 ("The Once and Future Gun") - "At some point in the future, SCP-3797 will have been used to save the world in the past." Written by stormbreath.
• SCP-3845 ("Buddy") - Best way to an anomaly's heart is with a box of Rice Crispies^TM. Written by MrBazzle.
• SCP-3194 ("Divine Presence") - "At last we can begin again." Written by CharlesDoucet.
• SCP-3660 ("The Zoo Zipper") - Release your inner animal. Written by Veiedhimaedhr.
• SCP-3890 ("Forget-Me-Not") - "SCP-3890 is a potentially extradimensional or extraterrestrial space which I, Doctor Elizabeth Graham, was somehow transported to from Site-22 on 02/17/16." Written by Tanhony.
• SCP-3564 ("The Immortal Bard, Act Ⅱ: Return of Shakespeare") - "The entity exhibits unusually high levels of muscle mass, tumorous growths in multiple limbs and organs, and appears to have been grown via anomalous means from the remains of William Shakespeare." Penned by MaliceAforethought.
• SCP-3885 ("The High-Octane Full-Throttle Adventures of the Exploding Zombie Gearheads") - Yes. It is exactly as badass as the title implies. Written by CadaverCommander.
• SCP-3719 ("Your Friendly Neighbourhood Lawnmower") - "Wouldn't you like to share my skin too?" Written by FloppyPhoenix.
• SCP-3379 ("D-11424 and the Arctic Meat Hole of Infinite Wonders") - One man's epic journey into realms of walruses, Vikings, and meat. Cowritten by Weryllium and DarkStuff.
• SCP-3689 ("The Seat of Criticism") - "Protect the Priority Seat with our blood and strength! Long live the Priority Seat! May the Priority Seat punish those who are unworthy of sitting!" Written by H F Dummie.
• SCP-3445 ("Grave Insights") - "When their inevitable conviction meets your uncertain mind, there is only one certain outcome." Written by ObserverSeptember.
• SCP-3485 ("Omega Messier") - "STAR LOBSTER!" Written by not_a_seagull.
• SCP-3175 ("A Wish Granted") - What would you give up for a fresh start? Written by CharlesDoucet.
• SCP-3265 ("It's Good") - *lights cigarette* Brought to climax by Dmatix.
• SCP-3467 ("Anomoalous, Moa Less") - MTF Phi-2 is CONFUSED! It hurt itself in its CONFUSION! Written by Weryllium.
• SCP-3577 ("Pack To The Future") - Retroactive… coyotes? Written by Blooper.

Tales

• Salt the Slug, Sheepdog - "For the first time in years, Dhole was well and truly alone." Written by Pedantique.
• Prologue: Recruiting - "A dreamless night is not a happy night for an aspiring member of the Fifth Church" Written by Stallmantic.
• The Best Laid Plans - Anderson Robotics, the Wanderer's Library and Three Portlands collide. Written by Jacob Conwell.

Misc

• SCP Series 3 - Tales Edition - A collaborative hub featuring derivative works of every SCP from SCP-2000 thru SCP-2999! Written by Shaggydredlocks.
• War On All Fronts - Hub - "Some events are so grand they change the world by themselves." Written by stormbreath.
• Stallmantic’s Den of Debauchery It's Stallmantic's Author Page!
• CadaverCommander's Mobile Assault Necropolis It's CadaverCommander's Author Page!
• The Page of the Bazzle It's MrBazzle's Author Page!
• FloppyPhoenix's Author Page It's FloppyPhoenix's Author Page!

Week of March 22nd:

SCPs

• SCP-3533 ("Metaphysiclean!") - Conceptual recursion, applied vigorously by Billith.
• SCP-3262 ("Fire of Unknown Origin") - Germinate. Detonate. Procreate. Grown by Communism will win.
• SCP-2651 ("Gazing Upon a Failed Future") - "The not-god(?) lied here. Entrance is treason to the Koru-teusa and the Fourth World." Written by 9Volt.
• SCP-1661 ("Gremlins") - Written by Shaggydredlocks.
• SCP-3411 ("THE NEW YORK'S GLORIOUS CHILDREN'S BATALLION") - REGRETTABLY THE WAR CONTINUES/THERE IS NO TIME FOR CHANGE drafted by Tanhony.
• SCP-3269 ("Pop Culture") - Ew. Exfoliated by Communism will win.
• SCP-3254 ("Grant's Mama Bear") - Half robot. Half bear. All lover. Written by tretter.
• SCP-3253 ("A Prison of Ink and Flesh") - The tattoo artist giveth, the tattoo artist taketh away. Written by Tzuvembi.
• SCP-3528 ("Witch Hunter") - Nazis weren't known for a good batting average. Written by Weryllium.
• SCP-3527 ("Incompetent Rap-Loving Bodysnatchers") - "Dumb bitch. I Tupac." assumed by DrCaroll.
• SCP-3273 ("Self-Performed Brain Editing Manual") - No pain, no gain. Written by Blibby_Blobfish.
• SCP-3886 ("The Necromancer’s Saddle") -"I fear this is what Mr. Fuller had always intended." Written by Ember16.

Tales

• Freaks, Friends and Fiends - Iris Dark hunts a Nazi Goblin in a sewer, plus Lolly vents on why she hates the GOC so much. Written by DrChandra.
• Restless Dreams - Oneiroi return in this addition to the War on All Fronts canon. Written by RecursiveRecursion.
• One Trick Ponies - The story of the Foundation's most lovable good boy. Written by ratsy.
• Joey Fucknuts Builds a Flying Machine - The first of the SCP-3885 tale series. Written by CadaverCommander.
• Fire and Brimstone - Competitive Eschatology is back. Did you miss me? Written by Slothdude.
• Abject Blue Insomnia - Dhole floated in nothingness. Conjured by Pedantique.
• Ash and Maple ~ Part 1 - The GOC and The Serpent's Hand square off. Written by SifSeeker.
• Items Seized, March 2022, Site-42 Sapient Object Containment - Take a glimpse into the minds and hearts of the Foundation's captives. Written by Cyantreuse.
• Worth a Shot - "THIS IS THE END, GOODBYE TO EVERYONE" Exposited by ObserverSeptember.
• Jude's Bizarre Adventure - (or, The Doped-Up Sadboy Chronicles), Part V. Written by kinchtheknifeblade.
• Kit Always Used to Think She Was Cool - Apparently, Kit always used to think she was cool. Is she really? Written by Zachary Maxwell.
• Breaking Dawn - “As if anyone would want to do anything to you, David. You’re a freak.” Written by Zachary Maxwell.

GoI-Formats:

• UIU File: 1988-021 - [Unusual Incident Unit] "Case File "Hy-Brasil Incident"" Written by Baseplate-Actual.

Misc

• Jude's Bizarre Adventure - "Jude's Bizarre Adventure is about a jobless trans man who murders fourteen people and makes friends with a Jewish lesbian and a grandpa-loving twink, all the while trying to get revenge on a Critic for not being there when he was murdering people." Written by kinchtheknifeblade.
• Document 2641-Solidão - Written by FloppyPhoenix.

Fandom Stuff

Folks over at the SCPDeclassified sub produced wonderful analysis of both CODE NAME: Roget - Keter Duty and Tau-5/Samsara!!! Check 'em out and subscibe!

Dr. Cimmerian gives a rundown of Marshal, Carter, and Dark in Episode 10 of "The Foundation" podcast!

Fanart

The wonderful Zhange has graced the winners of the 72-Hour Jamcon Contest with commissioned SCP artwork!!! Bodacious!