1998/04/19
Darnell helped me move the majority of my possessions to the cathedral area. I have a bed, a desk, my archives, and all the proper equipment I'd need. I'm still not entirely sure what my purpose here is. I've toured through half of the structure, taking photographs, notes, and placing markers. "Find a Fifthist angle," I was told. Find, or create? I remind myself of the inexplicable ties this structure has to the souls who perished 10 years prior.
As heaven poured out below, I could not see its eyes or its arms. Despite my life's work, my thoughts weren't on the virus of the mind, or the way it transmutes, or a world above our own. I was faced with the terror of the Aztec, bearing witness to the technology of European conquerors. Of the man who entrenches himself in the world of the anomalous for the first time. Of the neanderthal, seeing beasts larger than he can hunt. I did not think in terms of anomalies and normalities. I did not think at all.
I know it's true th
There's work to be done.
1998/04/21
Eventful day in the catacombs. Eventful night? I've walked all that we've uncovered, even the curious 'hidden' passages and chambers. Most of my time is spent cataloguing, dating, and observing artifacts we unearth. It's quite comforting work, given my former fields. Maite, a clearly green, kind girl, assists me by bringing objects to my office, which I do not leave for hours at a time. Its situation in between the arches of a long hallway makes me feel as if I've lived here my whole life. I'm surprised the request to move it here was even approved. It's possible, given my tendency to absorb myself fully in my tasks, that previous experience was taken into account.
There is little difference between this site, and a regular archaeological dig. Like a jungle film serial or comic, I feel as if I'm living out the fantasies of my youth. Instead of the brave safari leader, I've taken the role of the aged professor. I've even started dressing the part.
1998/04/22
The case of the murals remain. I've put off my duties for the day, as a research head can, to study them. The story they tell is evident. A legion of beasts cast from heaven descend to earth to be worshiped as gods. For whatever reason, they collectively hibernate. Do they become victims of time, or are they awaiting judgement? Upon the arrival of a greater beast, they awaken. A war is waged, and the lesser beasts venerate their new leader, as does humanity itself. I, of course, observe this through the eyes of a historian as I would any religious myth. However, that is a luxury seldom achieved by someone who entrenches themselves in the unknown.
I looked at the corpse. I had been avoiding it until now.
1998/04/24
Happy anniversary, Patricia. I still love you.
1998/04/27
I feel as if I haven't seen another soul in weeks, despite talking to my colleagues daily. Maite has started bringing me food. She's a wonderful cook.
There's something fascinating about the effects of this anomaly. Matter decays at a slower rate. Death is, for a time, prolonged. In retrospect, I'm surprised I was allowed to stay down here. I'm a willing subject, yes, but there's been a recent push for more ethical testing conditions within the Foundation. I think it's still happening.
1998/04/30
How long did that carcass take to die? These entities almost certainly live longer than most life, and given the effects of the structure, I'm left only to speculate.
Is it dead, or simply in the last stages of life? Its final seconds protracted into centuries.
1998/05/03
Toby informed me he's taking leave soon. I'm not sure when. He said tonight, but who knows when "tonight" actually is. I can't remember his reasoning, some sort of conference with his superiors. I'm acting Site Director now. Could you imagine? Director Metcalfe. There's some that would outright join the Coalition if they saw that.
1998/05/05
I haven't slept in days a long time. I'm almost certain it's the lighting. I might move out for a few days, but I realize that would interfere with the minor experiment I have going on with my body.
I'm starting to feel anger when I look at the carcass. Secretly, I wish it was alive. I hope it is. The death that being is capable of causing renders it a threat. I was proud to witness the coalition open a hole in the squid's head. Would we have done the same?
A gaping hole in the starfishes head. It wants to die, but its own temple forbids it.
1998/05/07
Kimberly would have been 13 today.
1998/05/10
I yelled at Maite. I'm not sure what I said to the poor girl, but I'm too ashamed to think about it.
The story on the paintings is solidifying itself more and more in my mind.
In 1978, the Russians found a beast in the arctic. They found its carcass frozen in a tomb. We know nothing about the society that built it. Their sole monument is one of death, a mausoleum for a beast. Did those ancient builders know their work would be forgotten? Why did they construct such beautiful creations, if they would soon die? The summation of their achievements is death.
I lay in the tomb of the undying.
1998/05/13
Patricia asks me what I want for dinner. I tell her I don't want anything out of the ordinary. She laughs, and asks if I know where I am. Kimberly enters, eating a luminescent, purple ice cream. She hugs me, and thanks me for letting her come.
I booked us tickets for a dancing show tonight, held in a large arena. I feel the stubs in my pocket. It's a secret. None of them know I purchased them. Another birthday gift to add to Kimmie's infinite pile.
I feel the warm, Tuathan silk of my couch as I lay my head down for a brief rest.
The island is paradise.
And then they died.
1998/05/15
Ordinary day.
Found a new passage.
1998/05/19
I got up in the middle of the day last night. Started walking the halls. I went into the hidden chamber, and all I saw were corpses. The men who built this temple, the men who didn't. They stretched on for miles.
Did they know they would die? Did they paint their murals with a sense of joy? The death, the destruction, the inevitable. Or did they believe they would be spared?
1998/05/24 28
It's good they died together.
It's good they died when they did. They would have died if they hadn't, because I would have told them to.
Thursday
I used to dream. I haven't in months.
Every stone in this temple was set by a man whose name is forever lost.
I watched myself today. I'm a Foundation man. I'm intelligent enough to know when things are awry. They aren't, even if they seem that way. My body does my job efficiently and effectively. I maintain composure, as I always have. Brief flashes of anger when Maite drops a statue, shattering it into a hundred pieces. Its thousand year death has finally come to a close. The tomb gains another resident today. I tell her it should've been her.
Night
A fifthist concept is hardly fifthist at first glance but slowly transcends reality, a quote from my first lecture actually. It's either that but paraphrased a bit.
This is not a fifthist concept.
I'm fully aware of what's happening here and I know it's the corpse. It has no secondary anomalous effects. I stepped outside today, just for a bit because I know my mind is torn between walking away and facing the inevitable. It was night time, and the sun looks exactly as it did that night in Hy-Brasil when Kimberly and Patricia were trapped under a wall and I saw the blood pooling but could not save them, nor would I want to.
I got put on psychiatric watch because I got too close to a tape I shouldn't have listened to and started repeating its ideas.
I started writing in this journal because I got too close to a beast I shouldn't have and started parroting its philosophy. If I was to die here, I would die an agonizing, slow death. If the people of Hy-Brazil were to die here, they would die extremely fast. Much like the deaths of my dearly dearly beloveds on that night.
That happened. They found a beast in the arctic. There are large scale aggressors. There are monsters. I can make myself leave my bed and see one myself. It's in the foyer. The one on the walls. I'm in the temple on the walls. The squid is on the walls. What's the point of denying it? These things happened. They're all going to happen.
What happened to its corpse? When the beast died, it did not die but move to the next phase of its life, which is resurrection of its body. Anastasis. These things will come to pass. Why deny them?
I prolong my death because we will all meet the same fate eventually. Toby left because he knew this. I can keep it together, but
I'm not doing this anymore.
1998/06/17
Coffee this morning was too hot. Documented several new artifacts. A chamber pot, some sort of religious statue, and a ceremonial dagger. There's evidence pointing towards a mass grave of human remains.
If they killed them in the structure, they must have suffered an incredibly long time. They might have existed for hundreds of years in a dying state before finally expiring, possibly more due to the effects this structure has on human matter on decaying matter in the structure.
I don't want to die. I'm scared to die.
I do not wish to partake in the coming destruction.
Like a fool, like a crazed lunatic, like someone affected by something out of their control, I touched the carcass. I would like to state, to the council, to my superiors, to whoever will eventually compile this into a document. I am in full control of my actions, my body's actions, and my thoughts, and the memories of my loved ones.
There is a sort of judgement coming. I do not wish to see it, and I know that I have a way out.
The best thing about that way out is that it's nothing new. It's always been there in the back of my head like a tiny hole that's been getting bigger and bigger. I know where it goes because I've been there before.
The civilization that built this temple does not exist. They did not exist. Their names do not exist because they never had names in the first place. Where did they go? Why did they leave us? Did they fear it like I do? This is flavor. I am incredibly bored. I don't think anymore, except when I'm on that island again, or in that room.
I don't mind any of this. It's calming compared to what's to come.